from glad to sad

It has been a couple of months since I relinquished all volunteer duties.  Just now, I am beginning to feel the loss.  I have been happy to pass the torch.  My job as a Girl Scout volunteer is not only to grow girls, but to grow adults.  It is a job I have taken seriously and had a great deal of success with.

A few days ago an email went out from the new camp Director about this year’s camp.  It was a good email, it rallied the troops and got everyone motivated.  The email indicated a possible need to change venues, and I was happy I did not have to deal with it.  As I finished reading the email I knew that I would have to let the new Director know I would not be at camp this year, at least not everyday.  There is another event scheduled at that time that I may attend.  In a reply, I confessed that I had spent the past couple of months “off” writing a book, and that the selling of the book is now top priority.

All of this done, the new Director firmly holding the reins, my admission that I would not be at camp, I sat back and breathed and enormous sign of relief.  A relief I had not yet let myself feel.  It was good!

Then, I was surprised at my sadness.  For years, my life has revolved around this camp.  On Thursday, the day before the last day of camp, I would go before the girls and confess that it made me sad to think that tomorrow was the last day of camp. I was not just Whistling Dixie, I really was wistful.  For years, I spent my Fridays asking the girls if they would be back next year.  Of course they SCREAMED yes.  The other adults at camp were upset by the screaming.  It filled me with joy and made me laugh out loud. Such exuberance, such passion.  I stood on the stage, facing the girls and told them that I would be right here, waiting for them.  And now I will not be there.  The sadness I feel has caught me completely off guard.

Comments

[Vanessa]

Oh, I can totally understand your sadness! They were like a family to you, and it's understandable that you're "mourning" their loss. Hopefully you can still be involved in some less time-consuming way?

Congrats on the book, though, and best of luck!

[moiraeknittoo]

I think that when moving on from something that had been such a huge part of your life it's completely appropriate to feel sad and a bit lost. I wouldn't be embarrassed about it, but let yourself grieve for the loss and when you feel better turn your attention to the next opportunity.

This could be completely obvious and lame...I took some NyQuil and things are a bit fuzzy about the edges today.

[Julia]

I agree with the others - it's okay to be sad. It's perfectly understandable. Hugs!